month in the desert was not in vain
lived for about a month in the desert traveler, shares his impressions:
- At first you hang himself, a week goes by and you're talking to lizards.Another week, and you know that they are responsible to you, and then it turns out that you are very interesting to listen to them.
Leaving the mountain resort, German and Russian travel by taxi.At the sharp turn, they realize that the car brakes failed.The driver tries to cope with the situation.
German smokes nervously and Russian shouts:
- Can not slow down, so at least the counter turn off ...
in the ocean after the crash of a passenger ship, the surviving spouse, grabbed the lifeline and circling in the raging waves:
- Lord,Horrible!Worse than nothing can be - husband moaning.
- Yeah, do not tell me - objected to her husband - I almost took the same boat tickets for the return journey.
traveling through the jungle, a man came across a tribe of natives.T
- A ogres you come here?
- Yes, now there is, that's only recently caught yesterday.
- And he will not run away from you?
- Yes now will not run away - we ate.
Captain reassured ...
In flight, the aircraft shut down one of the engines.Passengers observe the following picture: One by one the pilots with parachutes out of the cockpit and move towards the exit.The ship's captain, referring to the frightened passengers:
- Do not worry, it's just minor damage, you should wait a bit, but we still help.
hell with the dollar
Tourists went on a trip through the jungle.In the middle of the road it found that the way to the other side lies across the shaky bridge.The guide explains:
- Do not worry, a local native will bring each of you for $ 1 through this bridge.
Healthy native caught two tourists under his arms and moved along the bridge to the other side.This was repeated several times until the middle of the road he had no nose itched.A few seconds native endured, and then let go of one of the tourists in the gulf, and with pleasure scratching his nose, he thought:
- And to hell with it, with the dollar ...
On another excursion tourists brought to the crater of the volcano.They surprise:
- Well, well, just like in hell!
sighing wearily, guide:
- all, they have seen everywhere-they were ...
guide brought a group of tourists to the ancient castle.Traveling through multiple mazes, people notice the skeleton sitting on the floor and ask:
- Who are those prisoners is the time?
- No, it's tourists.They are saved in the past year on the tip of the guide.
man came into the travel agency and asked him to pick up an inexpensive, economical travel option.Managers offer him different options, but all harmful client trades - it is expensive, it is not interesting.Finally Manager offers a tempting option:
- You can fly for only $ 100 at the carnival in Rio de Janeiro.Two nights, three days.
- so cheap - surprised man - but why can a bad hotel?
- Excellent luxury hotel - responsible manager - just 3 nights and 4 th, and the days from 15 th to 17-th.
Tourist boat in distress.One person from the panicked crowd ran up to the captain and asked:
- How much more down to earth, sir?
- about one and a half miles - the captain is responsible
- And in what direction?
- Down, sir.
Learn to fly
young man who travels the first time on a plane, it refers to a flight attendant:
- Tell me, when will issue parachutes?
- We will not issue them - meets a flight attendant.
- Why?After the ships give a lifeline.
- We're not at sea.
- But people who know how to swim, much greater than those that can fly!
formulated more precisely desire
Tourist lost in the woods, saw a bear and ran one of them.A man sees in front of an open, he fell to his knees and turned to God:
- God help me - I will dwell in the bear a Christian soul sees - also bear fell to his knees and said:
- Thank you, Lord, for thou hast sent food!
To each his own!
The luxurious hotel fire.All rushing, shouting:
- Most water, the water !!!
And from one window looks out the Georgians and also shouts:
- A 405 - the first of champagne!
not your sport
If at first you did not work - then skydiving is not for you.
Africa tourist runs from cannibal and begs him:
- Get away from me, please, to me a wife and children to feed the need!
- And I for yours, it is not necessary, is it?- I yell at him a cannibal.
Learn to swim and gentlemen!
the plane refused both engines, and it loses altitude, the team of pilots trying to land it on the sea.The captain announces: We ask those passengers who know how to swim to take place on the right, and the rest - to the left.After 10 minutes, the plane lands on water.The captain says:
- Passengers who have taken the right place, swim to the neighbor island, passengers who took the left seat - thank you for what you have chosen our airline, all the best to you!
laugh at the tourists - may be worth a look at least funny anecdotes about brokers?But, you might be interested in this funny story about a holiday romance - ahead of the holidays and resorts.